Wow

Wow, I haven't been that excited about signing up for things in a long time. I don't know what the hell I'm doing but it's so great *claps hands and makes oOooOo face* Pics are up too at Flickr and "you" can get a nice lil visual of my oh-so-crazy life along with my lengthy explanations.

I had an interesting email come to me several minutes ago... It was from one of those people that I tend to ignore and not talk to when they IM me or when they call.

I used to be one to endure any kind of annoyances no matter what-for what reason, I'm not quite sure. Most likely because I want to be affable, because I care quite a bit about what others think, even now (though this has been an ongoing struggle, I still wonder if it will ever be fixed). Lately tho, things have slowly started to change. I don't take much of people's ridiculous requests and fronts too easily now. And that is why I think I have more people that are on my "ignore" list than I would like to.

This person that I have met only once, constantly IM's me, along with the occassional repeated phone calls if I don't pick up. I wondered why this person constantly tries to get my attention, labeling them as the young, naive, male that simply wishes to get the action that I find most males only care about ( and I will warn you here that my blogging will mostly consist of male bashing. If you don't like it, comment and leave). From what I hear, males will do ANYthing for that. True, untrue? I'd like to think the latter.

A snipet of what I'm talking about:

"I've got to be honest, the thing that got me interested in you is that you are so difficult to get ahold of...I see all the little things that you have things like the fact that you seem to know about every topic a person can bring up. Granted, you may not know alot about every topic, but you can carry a conversation for hours. You serve as a source of wisdom for me and I get a sense of responsibility around you that, in turn makes me want to become a better person...You have been a great support for me even though it may be very little support in your view. I was in very troubled times when I met you and the little contribution of being a "pal" went a long way..."

So this makes me think. A whole lot of things. Why did I neglect this person? I feel as though that I have somewhat lost some of the qualities that set me apart from those that represent so much of the majority that should not be. Before I had been so tolerant, so flexible, yet somewhere I felt it so unfair. I sometimes think, "take everything in with an open heart, be willing to help others out no matter what the cost, because that's what (should) make you happy"... I'm probably too much of a pessimist to be that way. Other times I feel that all I can do is be selfish, never accept other's mistakes. Now am I just too quick to alienate others? I'm not so sure.

I have supposedly made some sort of difference in this person's life, yet I have been acting as if I could care less if I ever talk to them again. What does that say? It really means that I have been egocentric and cold, when I really don't have much reason to.

I'm not really sure what to make of this person because I somehow feel that they're quite naive in their thinking. I can't handle people that hope for something more than what I can really give them, so I don't know how to deal with them. Do I say "Thank you", shake their hand, and then move on? or do I actually befriend them, in hopes that they won't do the exact things that make me want to be in my corner forever? *sigh* I have no idea.

Anyway, this is just my attempt to sound like I have something thoughtful to say for my first blogger's blog. More to come.