What's Best

Do what's best for you. It's not about selfish anymore, it's about taking care of yourself and looking out for who you're going to be. While doing so, take pride and be proud of you. After all is done and said the person standing next to you no matter what, will and always will be, you.

just because everything is different, doesn't mean anything has changed.

No Experience Required...what kind?

So yours truly is on the hunt for a job. Nothing serious...just time filler but not 'would you like fries with that?'. Being the nerd and socially awkward being that I'am, my search has spread all across the pages of craigslist and other classified ad sites. Tonight, I do believe I could have been hired on the spot. The job posting reads:

Salary: $22
Female Massage Therapists
posted 10/09/2006
Massage studio, in Chicago best location, is looking for Female Massage Therapist Assistants ASAP. No experience necessary. Call 773-209-9871

I was curious and called at 9:30pm, thinking all I would get was empty rings or a voice mail...this was not the case. A man answered on the other end and spoke in some language I couldn't understand. I immediately hung up and moments later, an incoming call on my cell from the number above. I leave it to ring and a voice mail by the same man with a Asian(?) accent of sorts telling me to call if I've any questions about the 'company'...a bit creepy.

And yes, any posting asking specifically for a female and the position requiring any sort of bodily contact is sketchy, so it doesnt surprise me by much that I must have stumbled upon something illegal. Just my luck.

It has been requested that I *really* test this place out and call in at 2am to see if it is in fact still open for 'services'.

I think I will.

I'am

I am who I am.

Dear Self

Dear Self,

You are lame. Grow up.

Love, Self

P.s... you're also overweight and fugly. Please fix this ASAP.

The Fattie's Post

Dieting sucks, I hate my life. Actually, I just hate my body because it requires me to diet. Some people are naturally a size 1 and don't ever have to worry about that sort of thing because they'll never be any bigger no matter how much they eat.

I'm so hungry that it almost makes me want to rip my hair out.

Today I went to cheesecake factory (not a dieter's place to go) only because I wanted to see my friends. I split something with a friend and had one slice of a tiny pizza. The rest were eaten by the vultures. Then one decided to order a slice of upside down pineapple cheesecake for all of use to share, which I had a lick of. Clearly, this is torturous for someone that loves food as much as I. Then we went to the movies and a friend rustled in the doggie bag, only to briing out the leftover pizza and passed it to another in front of me.

Afterwards, we went to Starbucks and they both ordered tasty things. This was way past my eating curfew and so I passed up the Green tea blackberry frappucino that I have been craving since its debut date. It didn't help that my friend that ordered it took about 2 sips and offered the rest to whoever wanted it...but again, I let it go.

I really have to wonder if all this torture is worth it at all in the end. I feel as though a) I'll never see the results anyway b) Even if I get there, I'll let myself go within a week of achieving it because food makes me too happy

Is the pay off of being healthy actually bigger than the satisfaction I get from eating?? I really have to wonder, because it's clear that there's nothing I love more than food. Seriously.

It's been many times that people watch me in awe as I eat whatever food in front of me and receive the comment "You make food look *so* good"...Though I've never watched myself, it seems that I have the most heavenly and orgasmic look when eating and even makes others happy while watching. I don't know how I'll survive because most outings with friends involve eating, drinking, etc etc. My eating curfew goes out the window and I start to misbehave. My social life will suffer and I grow even more aggravated. What to do??

*sigh* Oh, how I miss you food.

Last night I got sufficiently drunk because of half priced drinks at "The Apartment". I didn't think I was in the second-to-worst drunken state ever but it's clear to me now. Details are fuzzy, but as I went to the bathroom at 3 in the morning, I got up and flushed....only to somehow lose my balance and clutched onto a flimsy shower curtain for dear life, which of course broke the rod off the wall. I crashed into the bathtub, with legs hanging over the edge and the shower rod was horizontally hanging in front of my eyes. I sat and laughed for a good drunken 5 minutes.