New roomie arriving now or in a couple hours. I'm nervous and worried.

I've been downloading movies and family guy episodes. I'm psyched. But now I'm getting even more distracted, as if I wasn't before, *just* with AIM. I'am attached to this screen. My roomie will definitely be weirded out.

So I'm completely bummed out. And it doesnt help that I've been eating non stop for days now because of either being bummed out or I'm just plain PMSing. But in either case, not good. Today I received a wonderful email from the first guy I hung out with when I moved here. And when I say "wonderful", I mean he told me off. People effing suck, I'm starting to dislike them again. They tick me off for no reason and they get completely offensive. Others choose to just ignore me. It's amazing how much you're asking for just by saying "I want someone decent to hang out with". My definition of "decent" is: you're not a weirdo, you're not immature, you're pleasant. That's it. But I guess I have lost a LONG time ago just by wanting someone that's not immature because clearly, most of the world is. So now I'm a magnet for: weirdos, people that are old enough to be my dad, immature people, stupid people, and now, whiners/weiners. What a winner.

Some things that I've been *meaning* to post but never got around to:

The other day in English class, we were assigned readings from "Writing and Reading Across the Curriculum". It covers interesting topics on technology, psychology, sociology, and other large topics. We were assigned to answer a question at the end of our reading. Would you believe that our essay was about blogs, titled "The Blog Phenomenon"??? I can't even explain how excited I was. Apparently, I blog for several reasons: ego gratification (me want to be the center of attention?? i don't know about that), antidepersonalization (I suppose I feel insignificant in my world), elimination of frustration (no duh), societal need to share (need to share? I write my thoughts because I don't *want* to share!), wanna-be-writer (no).

I went exploring about a week ago, looking for my trading clothes stores again. I found a Crossroads store and bought myself 5 dollar jeans and shirt for 4.75...while I was shopping, a lady took the time to compliment my hair and proceeded to ask what kind of cut it was...who does that?

The other day I posted on craigslist under the 'strictly platonic' section because I couldn't get myself out of the boredom. Could you believe that I also posted a picture AND a screen name to go with it? The replies I got were endless. But alas, quantity over quality. Emails like "hi there im 34 open minded fun sensual athletic very fit very sexual email me", just did *not* cut it.
The instant messages and emails were overflowing. On OK, I posted a bulletin asking what Chicago people do around here. The next day I log in and find that there is 18 messages for me, then the following day 16. Ricockulous.

Yesterday I experienced my first day of Chicago rain. I even bought an umbrella, which I suspect will break the next time I use it, due to the wind. I wasn't too willing to spend 30 dollars on the titanium umbrella. Craigslist did, however, find me some interesting people to talk to and eventually hang out with. Yesterday I spontaneously decided to take up an offer to go venture out in the city with Matt. My shins hurt from walking so much, but it was definitely something fun. He was surprisingly easy to get along with, even though that usually isn't the case with me and those that are the same age as me.

Pathetic. Just pathetic...

Clones

I think im starting to see why I don’t have any friends or make any. Im not one to judge *karma cap* but if I really am a lot like these people, things start to make a lot more sense. A friend of mine was recommended these ppl by ok cupid while reading my profile. Apparently, they show up on my page as they are "about the same"

Akiko mutant #1:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=7712200701699506502

Akiko mutant #2:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=15934783192895569630

By the way, I guess this really confirms that I'm truly a geek or nerd or whatever else....I'm blogging about OK search results.

Yeah.

There's no hope.

A thought in the shower

I think I analyze things too much. Every explanation I give is about 5 times longer than it needs to be. That annoys me.

I've realized this some time ago, though, everytime I'm asked simple questions like "What kind of music do you like?" or "What's your favorite color?"....that's a question that should be answered with one word, yet I seem to see everything as an essay format question as if I have something to prove. I hate that. It reminds me too much of the quality my father possesses that mom dislikes the most. In the quest to find myself, one of my goals is to not end up like either of my parents. Well, at least the bad parts about them anyway.

I guess I can't seem to help it though, when it comes to conversation and especially getting to know people. I DO have something to prove, in the sense that I want to show people I have some sort of a brain and have something to offer. I like to think that I'm somewhat different or unique...or...something--- but then again, maybe I'm trying too hard? It comes back to the thought of "who are you trying to impress??".

Ah, the things I worry about.

on my Friday

Well, it seems that it’s been a couple days. I’m not exactly sure what I’ve been doing and can’t seem to remember where I’ve been. It’s odd that I can’t remember what I do with my days when I have internet/TV/etc. but it’s still the same even when I do something OTHER than being online. Wednesday, I remember that I sat around for a couple hours before the night class because I was waiting for the internet man to come. However- he was late and I had to leave for class. So still, no internet. I rescheduled for today, let’s see how this goes. I also took a bunch of free packets of “fakin’ flake potatoes” from school. It made me sad that I’m truly eating like a poor college student. On the way home, I saw a rat run along a fence. It made me proud that I’m in a city.

Yesterday, I made a trip to the shopping area, more specifically to Crate and Barrel to get some plates and bowls. I figured it was a good time to bring a stop to eating out of pots and pans. To get there, I actually rode the bus AND the subway to get home. I found out that the “red line” is my new best friend. When I was waiting in the humid underground station, an Art Institute student came by and started making conversation. I really think that was a first for me to have someone randomly speak to me (crazies and cat calls don’t count). Maybe at that moment in time I didn’t look so “intimidating”(?) or Chicago-ans are just friendly in that way.

Today I decided to make a trip to Goodwill because I can’t seem to live without my cheap clothing stores and trading stores I frequented back at home. I went to one just down the street…either I couldn’t find it or it closed down. It seemed to be in the right place, along with many fabric/alteration/ghetto clothing stores but I ended up with nothing but an offer for a ride with a scary man that came out of the supposed Goodwill store and called me “Honey”. I foolishly turned my head and made eye contact. I still haven’t gotten it in my head that anyone that calls me “honey” or “doll” or any other degrading name is not worth a look. Come to think of it, yesterday, two guys (non threatening) were trying to get my attention… should I have talked to them? But of course, I walked right past them without even acknowledging them and heard the distant “Garrrrr--!” of frustration from the males. But maybe I saved myself from annoying cell phone salesmen that you see at malls. Who knows.
I walked away from that area and to the nearest grocery store from my condo. “Jewel” it’s called. No Safeway, PW, or Albertsons. Sad. Then I found out that another Goodwill is on the same street and made my way over there. No Goodwill in sight. *sigh* In the process, I found a bookstore on Wabash St. The kind that has a lower floor and it’s a mass of books on old wooden shelves. I like those. It would’ve been even more impressive if I had bought a book, read it, and enjoyed it. That’s still one of my goals.

No place to go on a Friday night. I’m hoping that this feeling of being lost and being alone will be something that eventually goes away. It’s all very new to me…being away from home is very different from being on tour. No one to really talk to or hang out with, so most of the time, I’m alone. Ah, but all is an experience, I must be gaining something from it.

Also, I finally got to meet my roommate, Ashley. Apparently she’s here to pack her belongings and started off by giving me a whole new wardrobe. I must say, she’s a nice person, however, a bit on the ditsy side. She asked how many “minutes” I get on the internet…I guess she thought it was the same concept as a cell phone. Turns out that she was not the owner of all the clothes left on the living room floor, instead, was her stripper friend’s items. That explained the “hooker” style shoe. She also showed me the rooftop with the amazing view and the little lounging garden on the lower level with a great view as well. That definitely made my day.

Faceless no more

My "faceless" roommate finally came home. I'm sure I looked creepy because i was typing away on my laptop, in the dark for the lack of plugs to plug in my lamp. I've been anal about keeping the place tidy...up til TODAY. *sigh* so unfair. I'am happy though that I was fully clothed and dressed. It could've been much worse...MUCH worse. Moving out on the 24th, so she says.

9/6/05

Yes people, Akiko is once again back online…but with stolen wireless internet. I had to (HAD to) get online before I went into withdrawal. I’m scared for myself that I’m this bad.

Blogs

Blogs are coming. As long as I get my internet...Wish me lots of luck. If all goes well, I'll be back tomorrow!!!

9/5/05

September 5, 2005
10:10 PM

I went to Target today in hopes of getting rid of my shopping list. I walk myself over there and I get a phone call from a number I don’t recognize. I answer and the voice turns out to be a representative from the real estate office, asking if I was in town, then explaining that my roommate, Maria, has arrived from Florida and is locked out because of disfunctional keys. We met up in the lobby and she was a bit on the older side, very nice, and friendly.

I walked back to Target and ended up shopping around for hours… I can’t even remember how long I was there. I couldn’t get rid of my list because so many items were sold out…I guess that happens when you live near 10 other dorms. It was very much a challenge just to look for a trash can, turner spatula, and other miscellaneous items. I even ended up with things that aren’t a total necessity, like peach tea mix, cereal, and an Edward Scissorhands dvd. I’ve been doing some thinking and have come to the conclusion that if I quit buying snacks altogether, maybe I’ll be able to slow the fattening process. I think I keep buying these snacks because I have no expectation of mom coming home to cook or people to go out to dinner with, so I just settle with junk food.
I also walk to the Ace Hardware store and find myself a pitcher (which I’ am disappointed to say, leaks) and light bulbs to replace the numerous dead bulbs over the sink. Definitely another sign that my roommate is either a) a slob or b) just never ever home. This is also very evident in her non-existent cleaning skills and from my experience of cleaning out the vents/filters…I suspect they were the cause of my sudden breathing problems. Oi-vay.

After coming home, my roommate Shino knocks on the front door because she locked herself out…again. I fear the day I will do the same. Even though I have been known to stay indoors for an excessive amount of time, due to no internet, I actually go outdoors now. She’s been lucky that on both times, I just happened to be home.

Can you believe I actually cooked pasta today??

Tomorrow’s the first day of school. Hmm, what to expect? I’m not even sure how I’ll be getting myself there. Wish me luck.

I miss home.

Chinatown

I now know for sure that I WILL be okay. Well food-wise anyway. Today I woke up with plans of going to Target around the corner to finish up on my shopping list. But I woke up and stared out my window, as I have started to make a habit of, and saw that there were many numerous booths set up along a street. So I decided to walk there and discovered it was more like a flea market than a farmer’s market. I also found that the grocery store along the same street is 24 hours so that’s some useful information. I walked along the entire strip of ghetto booths and came across cheap 5-12 dollar dvd’s. I questioned if they were truly functioning dvd’s and came very close to purchasing one. Being the indecisive individual that I’ am, I stared at the dvd’s at every available booth… during this time, there was a pair of Mexican guys that went to every booth I was at. I had already noticed this, but they took much later to. Eventually one of them mentioned to the other, “That girl right there’s been at every place we been at… watch.” I just walked faster and lost them, just so I can prove him wrong. Should I have been intimidated by a guy who asked for “The Little Mermaid” at every booth?

Later, I decided to spontaneously walk an unknown distance to Chinatown. I was quite reluctant at first because the rule here seems to be “just stay north” due to the fact that every other direction is pretty ghetto. Not knowing what to expect, I finally arrive to “Chinatown market”. Heaven. I end up buying candy and asiany seasonings to cover up the taste of anything atrocious I may cook up. I walk around some more and discover “Wok ‘n Things” to buy chopsticks and find ridiculous amounts of tapioca/food/herbal stores concentrated in a small area. You know that you’re home when you walk into a store and find decapitated snapping turtles and piles of dried seahorse. Ah comfort. The long walk was well worth it and it also led me to use the train to get home, all by myself! The stop I got off at gave me another idea to stop by the enormous library in downtown. After coming home, I got to use my new pot to cook rice in (which I had never done) and the end product was short of perfect.

Still, I feel accomplished. I’m a big kid now.

9/4/05

Another very long day. But very productive. I now sit in a fully pizazzed bed, complete with high quality sheets, duvet cover, pillow cases in luxurious feminine color and even matches Cow perfectly, which was a very pleasant surprise indeed.

For some reason, just the bedding alone made me much more relaxed than any other goods I had purchased… even food. Interesting.

I now sit and admire my work and the world I will live in. Across from my bed sits the unmade bed of my, still, faceless roommate who I suspect is a slob. I wonder whether or not I will ever meet this person that I supposedly live with or if one day I’ll come to discover her hanger-less wardrobe on the floors of multiple closets/living room have disappeared. It’s very much a possibility. The girl didn’t even have toilet paper, shower curtain, or a clean toilet.

I still have to figure out where to draw the line when it comes to having roommates. Am I to never touch another’s personal items, ever? Or can there be some exceptions? How do roommates split the usage of toilet paper, paper towels, garbage cans, etc etc.? who buys the light bulbs when they die? Petty, yes, but I need to know! After putting away all my purchases of the day in the apartment, I had closed the door to the room and left for dinner. Interestingly enough, upon my return, I had discovered that the door was now open. It could have only been her, the Japanese girl. I had found it amusing because she had enough of an interest to look through my boring belongings. No big deal, because I had used her shower, bathroom (which I forgot to flush), and had done the same exact thing of being nosy.

Curiosity is much too human.

9/2/2005

So here I’am, finally in Chicago, finally out of San Jose. I’ve been here for about 2 days now. Pretty exhausting because there’s so much to take in. I got to the airport and was taken away by the number of TALL people there. Even the women were seven feet tall. Also, I’ve noticed that there are close to zero Asians in this area. I stick out in a whole new way. Short and asian. I’ve even caught some people watch us or stare… a little bothersome, especially in a brand new surrounding I’ve thrown myself in. I went to subway for the first time in my life and I have to say… I was not impressed. tHe man that was making the sandwiches asked for our order and proceeded to cough without covering his mouth over the many pre-measured fresh condiments and sandwich toppings. I can’t believe I ate that. There was also a Dunkin’ Donuts across the street (which btw was 24 hours) so we decided to get some. There we encountered a cashier that was, for lack of a better word, odd. He was much too friendly for my taste and I have to suspect that he was intoxicated as well. “MaY I heLLllp yoO-u??” proceeded by a ridiculous drunken giggle. This occurred repeatedly. Not exactly what I want to see on the first night.

Yesterday was a move-in orientation and it really took longer than it should have. The school was in a large skyscraper type building, right smack in the middle of everything. Pretty nice. The public transportation terrifies me and I have to wonder if I’ll ever snap out of it.